Empathy, Three Ways
Empathy Symbol image retrieved
Leveraging Empathy: A Call to Connect
We have a moral and ethical responsibility to build meaningful connections with others. At the heart of this work lies empathy—the capacity to understand, share, and respond to the emotions of others. But empathy is more than just a feeling; it's a skill we can learn, refine, and intentionally practice.
What Is Empathy?
Empathy describes our ability to sense and relate to the emotions and perspectives of others. According to researchers (Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley), empathy takes on three distinct forms:
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Cognitive Empathy
The ability to understand how someone feels and what they might be thinking. It’s useful for communication, leadership, and navigating conflict—but without emotional resonance, it can come off as cold or manipulative. -
Emotional (or Affective) Empathy
The ability to physically and emotionally feel what someone else is experiencing. This can lead to a deep connection, but it can also overwhelm caregivers, teachers, or first responders. -
Compassionate Empathy
The most powerful and constructive form—it combines understanding and emotional resonance with a commitment to take helpful action.
When Empathy Demands Action
In his article “How to Help,” Daniel Goleman examines the crucial role of compassionate empathy in leadership, particularly during crises such as Hurricane Katrina. Drawing from psychologist Paul Ekman’s work, Goleman warns that detachment—even when meant to keep us emotionally safe—can slip into dangerous indifference.
When constantly exposed to suffering through media or daily encounters, we can become desensitized. The antidote, Goleman says, is compassion as a practiced skill—something that pushes us not only to feel, but to respond.
Anger, Empathy, and Leadership
“Anybody can become angry—that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.”
—Aristotle, The Art of Rhetoric
Empathy also helps us respond constructively to difficult emotions—ours and others’. In schools, for example, educators are often placed in roles that resemble first responders. They’re expected to meet not just academic needs, but also the emotional and relational shortfalls created by larger systemic breakdowns. Instead of becoming angry or frustrated about these realities, we must ask:
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Why are some students not receiving what they need from the adults in their lives?
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What deeper story is playing out behind disruptive, avoidant, or withdrawn behaviour?
Private Logic: Understanding the Narrative Behind the Behaviour
Alfred Adler, the early Austrian psychologist, believed that people operate based on internal narratives formed by their answers to four prompts:
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I am…
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The world is…
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Other people are…
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Therefore…
Empathy invites us to step into another’s story—to imagine how they might be answering these questions. This framework helps us understand the emotional logic behind someone’s behaviour, even when their actions don’t make sense on the surface.
Changing the Lens: It Starts With Us
“This work isn’t about the structures of our systems. This work is about people—and not just the people we serve. The work is about us. It’s about how we see people. It’s about our mindsets and deeply held beliefs. It’s about becoming a different person more than it is about making a difference.”
—Matt Anderson, Hope Alliance
Empathy begins within. We must examine our own beliefs, reactions, and assumptions—especially when dealing with those who challenge us. When we change how we see others, we change how we interact with the world.
Why Empathy Matters More Than Ever
People are biologically wired for connection. Whether we’re in classrooms, boardrooms, or family rooms, we all want the same things: to be seen, heard, and understood. Empathy is not a “soft” skill—it’s a survival skill in a fractured, fast-moving world.
Practicing empathy means asking:
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What’s behind this person’s behaviour?
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What pain might they be carrying?
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How can I show up—not to fix them—but to truly be present with them?
When we deliberately engage empathy—cognitive, emotional, and compassionate—we don’t just improve relationships. We create cultures of healing, dignity, and connection.
Deliberate Practice Tips:
- Try practicing cognitive empathy by paraphrasing what someone has said to you: “It sounds like you're feeling ___ because of ___. Did I get that right?”
- Choose one moment each day to respond with compassionate empathy. When you see someone struggling, pause and ask:
“Is there something I can do to support you right now?”
- When faced with challenging behaviour, pause and ask yourself:
“What might this person be trying to communicate through this behaviour?”
- In a difficult interaction, silently fill in these prompts as if you were the other person. It can shift your mindset from judgment to understanding.
I am…
The world is…Other people are…Therefore…
- End each day with this reflection:
“Where today did I pause to truly understand someone else’s perspective—and where could I have done better?”
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