Heart, Head, Hands

 I read a post on LinkedIn recently that triggered some things.

It was framed as an assertion that "social activists" are culpable for "picking and choosing" the causes they amplify on social media. There was a scornful tone about it. The writer drew attention to a pattern she claimed to have noticed among influencers who recently chose to post about the LA fires but had little to no history of posting about other causes. That's not a fair assessment.

There’s a good theory to explain what I consider to be this unfair assessment of people’s level of empathy for others in times of multiple crises inflicting the USA and beyond as of late. I turn to Maslow's Hierarchy, and the deficiency needs at the base layers. Deficiency needs are basic needs that people must meet to avoid discomfort or deficiency. 

Physiological needs: Food, water, and shelter
Safety needs: Security and stability
Love and belonging needs: Friendship, romantic attachments, family relationships, and social groups
Esteem needs: School achievement and self-esteem

These are important to consider. Those who have ascended past these levels of basic need are relatively less likely to engage with issues of basic need than those struggling to secure basic levels of need. They are situationally blind to the causes and motivations of less fortunate people focused on surviving, not thriving. They become apathetic and relativist. 

These people aren't generally concerned about basic needs until they are the ones that aren't getting theirs met, as happened in thousands of cases resulting from the devastating recent wildfires in Los Angeles. It's a stark and sad reality that many don't seem willing to empathize with others struggling to satisfy deficiency needs. It's even more tragic that more of us aren't willing to support those who don't enjoy our privileges at the higher levels of Maslow's Hierarchy. 

These are the growth needs. Maslow's growth needs are the desire to become better and grow as a person. They are part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a theory that categorizes human needs into five levels.

Self-actualization: The desire to become the best version of yourself

Knowledge: The desire to learn and understand more

Beauty: The desire to appreciate beauty

Personal growth: The desire to grow as a person

There's a degree of subjectivity associated with every layer of Maslow's Hierarchy. I'm going to express mine for the purpose of my point. To become the best version of myself, I focus my time and attention on being hopeful, and empathetic. I view "hope" as an action word. My actionable hope manifests through the ways I perceive my needs and the needs of those around me. I can't grow as a person if I don't support the growth of others. I can't appreciate beauty if I can't share it with others.

Furthermore, I can't learn if I have no opportunity to teach. I can't feel self-actualized without actively supporting others less fortunate than me. I can't be the best version of myself without helping others be the best versions of themselves.

“Self-actualization” to me is the sum total of the things I and others do that will never get posted on social media (arguably the least impactful action taken to relatively satisfy our need to be seen as an “advocate”). I’m talking about daily acts of kindness and support just for the sake of caring for others struggling. I need to feel purposeful, helpful, and hopeful through action. It’s the grounded stuff that typically goes unnoticed by most who share my privilege, but profoundly by those who have been shown empathy and kindness.

Everyone’s experience is unique. Everyone advocates from their own private logic. They are limited to the lenses at their disposal. They are alone in how they see their own situation, the situation of others, and those of the world surrounding them. That's their personal story. To be self-actualized, I intensely need to get to know those stories. I understand that my need to be involved this way may not be shared by everyone, but I encourage others to consider stepping up their game. We must become empathetic using our hearts, heads, and hands as we walk alongside others living under the ceiling of deficiency needs. 

Empathy comes in three phases. First is emotional empathy (heart). Sharing emotional space with others allows us to become attuned to their feelings. Connecting through emotions is a powerful first step in a relationship. It opens the door to what others are thinking; to their cognition; what's going on in their head. Once we have insight into how someone else feels and thinks, we can strategize action toward helping them pursue their goals. We can offer them compassion; the things we can do or help them do to make their situation better. In this way, we can have "good hands". 

Empathy… emotional-cognitive-compassionate … is teachable. Without assumption judgment, becoming empathetically enlightened to how others perceive their needs helps us understand their private logic; what they subjectively feel, think, and do about their situation concerning others, and the surrounding world. We can then sensitively enlighten the poorly informed instead of vilifying them. 

Are there "codes" to guide our use of social media? Of course, there are, but when dealing with human beings who each perceive the world through their unique lenses, it becomes difficult to hold others accountable for their choices to represent or advocate for a cause. Each of us arrives at our vantage point from ridiculously complex personal histories, and without knowing those, it's quite unfair to judge how they respond to the needs of others. It's a much better effort to make in seeking clarity regarding their underlying purpose for representing or advocating for any cause in the first place.